


Your type.

by beeseven



Series: Side C [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: :((( the way i like it, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, there's not much to tag i think, they are both artists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:47:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25056478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeseven/pseuds/beeseven
Summary: Jaebeom doesn’t want to give in at all, he doesn’t want to go back to act as if he doesn’t love Youngjae. For Youngjae they are just friends, Jaebeom is nothing else than the man that grew up with him. He doesn’t love Jaebeom, he doesn’t miss him or needs to be around Jaebeom desperately like he does.In the Summer they hooked up, Jaebeom was up to give Youngjae anything and everything he wanted without asking for nothing in return. Now he knows it can’t happen again, he will just end up more hurt and even more obsessed with Youngjae than he already is.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Series: Side C [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814782
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Your type.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I'll make a series of fanfics inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen's songs, and this one is the first one :) it's inspired by 'Your type'... like the title lol.  
> \- this is very self indulgent... i wrote for myself bc i have nothing to do,, it's for me lol :) so anyways !

“I heard Youngjae is back in town, are you planning on seeing him?” His mom asks casually, they have been on the phone for over thirty minutes. It didn’t occur to her that maybe this was something that she should have told him before. She keeps talking but Jaebeom can’t catch anything else after she says Youngjae’s name. Jaebeom hasn’t seen Youngjae in five years, since Youngjae’s second year in college when both of them came back for Summer. 

It was supposed to be just a normal Summer, one of the many they had since they were kids. They were supposed to have fun, to hang out after long months away from each other. Jaebeom remembers just how crazily in love with Youngjae he was, he wasn’t going to do anything about it. It was never in his plans to do anything that could hurt their friendship. It was Youngjae. It was all on Youngjae. He decided to come up to Jaebeom, to turn their friendship into a Summer fling. 

Jaebeom thought that was the best Summer of his life ‘till they had to go back to their lives and Youngjae decided to never speak to him again. It was just out of the blue, he never told Jaebeom he was uncomfortable with what they did, he just disappeared. Didn’t come back on Winter break, didn’t return Jaebeom’s calls, just never talked to the older man again. Jaebeom was angry at first, but then he was just sad about not having Youngjae in his life anymore. 

Right now he thinks the fact that Youngjae is back in town shouldn’t affect it, this is all in the past. Youngjae doesn’t want him in his life so he shouldn’t really care about him. But Jaebeom has realized that he will always love Youngjae a long time ago. No matter the distance or how much time passes, he can’t let go of the feeling. Doesn’t mean he will ever do anything about it. Just like he didn’t want to do anything before, he doesn’t want to do anything now so many years later. 

“I just think it’s weird that you two aren’t friends anymore. You have always been glued to each other, we thought that would never change,” she’s probably talking about Youngjae’s mom, they are best friends just like Jaebeom and Youngjae used to be. But they never let go of each other, Jaebeom guesses one not being in love with the other played a part in this. 

He hates when people talk about what happened to him and Youngjae hates when they ask him what happened. “Mom, I need to sleep. I have to work in the morning, I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” 

They say their good-byes, his mom doesn’t say anything about the clear change in his mood but Jaebeom knows she can read him like an open book. So she doesn’t say anything about Youngjae or their ruined friendship. Jaebeom cuddles with his cat Nora on the couch ‘till he passes out thinking if he should do something about Youngjae or not. Like trying to meet with him, but soon he discards this option, there’s no point in doing this anymore. 

He puts every thought of Youngjae at the back of his mind, the week passes by slowly and some days are harder to ignore his feelings. The nights are even worse but he manages well, work keeps him busy. He was excited about tattooing a girl on the weekend but she had to reschedule and since it was a big tattoo he didn’t have anything else scheduled for Saturday. Now Jaebeom had a free weekend, it should make him happy but not this time. 

Now he has free time to think about Youngjae being so close to him for two days with no distraction, luckily he has some drawings to work in but they aren’t urgent. So he keeps ignoring them to overthink each one of his steps five years ago. Jaebeom has gone through this more times than he can count, he knows he won’t find anything he did wrong but he can’t help it. Maybe the only thing he did wrong was falling in love with Youngjae, nothing else. 

Sunday night Jaebeom was going crazy in his apartment, he should have visited his parents but he was too scared someone from Youngjae’s family would show up, it was a common thing to happen. He was taking no chances, it would have to wait ‘till Youngjae left the city. In order to keep his mind occupied Jaebeom decided to go out for a jog. 

He wasn’t big in exercising, it was never his thing. Jaebeom knew he would just walk around and then come back home, it was what he planned and that’s what he was doing. Jaebeom’s legs walked him to the public pool on his parents’ neighbor, he should have paid more attention to where he was going. It was probably his brain being too focused on Youngjae lately that brought him here, this was the place where they spent most of their Summers when they were younger. 

It was night and on top of it it’s Winter. Of course, the place was closed. When he was younger Jaebeom was never the type to break in places, he was too scared of being caught and too much of a good boy. Youngjae was the one that would make him do dumb reckless things, everyone thought Jaebeom was the bad influence even though the boy would never do anything wrong on his own. 

He wasn’t a kid anymore though, Jaebeom still didn’t get himself into dumb situations but he wasn’t a scared cat no more. Also, he knew when it was safe to do something or not, right now he knew that he could get into the place easily, there was no security, it would be no problem. So since Jaebeom wasn’t a kid anymore he shouldn’t be doing things like this but he wanted to be there so bad. To see how the pools looked after so long. 

After jumping over the gate Jaebeom was already inside, it was terribly dark. He needed to use his phone’s flashlight to walk around. He heard some noise and almost had a heart attack, maybe the place had security after all. Jaebeom turned the flashlight off and walked slowly, there was no one around, it could have been a squirrel but he wasn’t going to take chances. It would be pathetic for a grown man going to jail for breaking in the city’s public pool. 

There was a pool in particular that Jaebeom wanted to see, the place was huge and most of the pools were for families and kids. But there was an athletic pool where Youngjae showed him he could swim without any inflatable armbands for the first time. The pool was in a closed space and no kids were allowed there without an adult, Jaebeom was fourteen at the time and Youngjae just twelve, he was dead scared that his best friend would drown. So he got in the pool with the younger but nothing happened, they swam together and it was one Jaebeom’s favorite memory. They were just so free.

It was when he realized how much he cared about Youngjae, they have been best friends since he could remember so, of course, he knew he loved Youngjae. But the realization only got to him when he felt happiness invading him and all because of Youngjae. Jaebeom wanted to take care of him, more than that, he wished he could protect Youngjae from all bad things in the world. They kept coming to the pool for the next few years until they had to move because of college. 

The feeling Jaebeom felt when he first saw Youngjae diving in the pool never left him if anything it just grew with him. Looking at the lights in the pool again Jaebeom feels like a teenager, every emotion coming to the surface, he swallows as he looks at it. Jaebeom can’t see anything but the water since it’s the only illuminated thing in the place. So this time he really almost has a heart attack when he feels a hand on his arm, Jaebeom jumps in place and almost falls on his ass when said hand stops it from happening by holding him tightly. 

“It’s just me,” Jaebeom needs to make a double-take on the man in front of him. The last time he saw Youngjae he had blue hair and his baby fat hadn’t even disappeared all the way. Youngjae standing in front of him now had brown fluffy hair, his features were older and he even looked taller even though Jaebeom knew it was impossible. 

Of all the places he thought he could see Youngjae the pool wasn’t one of them, Jaebeom regrets leaving his apartment like never before. Youngjae takes his hand away from him when he notices Jaebeom staring at it in disbelief. He didn’t want the touch to go away, but it was just too much to process. 

Youngjae was wearing a button-up shirt under his jacket and he looked like an adult, of course, he was an adult now. Jaebeom knew that, but seeing it for himself was shocking. Youngjae looked like the perfect responsible man, nothing like he used to be when they were teens. Jaebeom was the one with his body covered in tattoos and piercings, something he always expected from Youngjae. 

It all felt like a dream, that’s why he didn’t say anything just shook his head and took a step back to have enough space to breathe properly. “Are you alright?” Youngjae’s sweet voice was pretty much real, Jaebeom is sure he wouldn’t be able to recreate this perfect sound in his head. He also knows Youngjae is worried because he startled Jaebeom, he isn’t asking how Jaebeom is doing but he feels like that’s the case for a second. 

The man needs to shake his head again, “what are you doing here?” 

“I thought you knew?” Youngjae pouts looking at him and even though he looks different that didn’t change. His pink lips are still the same Jaebeom would obsess over when he was a teenager. “I met with your mom last night, she said you usually visit them on the weekends… but since you didn’t show up I thought it was because of me.” 

“It was,” Jaebeom didn’t mean to admit so easily, Youngjae shouldn’t know he cares about avoiding him to the extent that he won’t even go to his parents’ place. But there’s no use trying to feign indifference, not when Youngjae knows how much he affects Jaebeom. “I didn’t want to see you. I should go,” 

“No, wait!” This time Youngjae’s hold on his arm is even tighter and he doesn’t let go when Jaebeom tries to brush him off. “Do you come here a lot-- no, no. I don’t mean it like this, I mean like the place is closed, I don’t think you came here to swim. Why are you here?”

Jaebeom can’t keep looking at Youngjae, his presence and his touch is way too much after years of nothing. “Why are  _ you _ here? I live here and I can come and go as I please. You are the one that has no business being here.” 

Youngjae doesn’t say anything to that, they stay in silence ‘till it starts to become even more overwhelming. Jaebeom is sure the discomfort is clear on his face and his rigid body, he just wants to leave, to go back in time to when Youngjae wasn’t here or in his thoughts. He listens as Youngjae exhales deeply, “I didn’t think you would be here… it kind of saved me time though. I was going to look for you.” 

Jaebeom doesn’t believe him for a second, not after he shut Jaebeom down for years, Youngjae notices it and even shows Jaebeom that he got his address from his mom. Jaebeom doesn’t want to believe him, he internally tries to calm his heart down, this is no reason to get any kind of feelings, any hope. Even if it’s true it doesn’t matter anymore. If Youngjae had gone to Jaebeom’s apartment nothing would have happened. 

“I was trying to convince myself it wasn’t a bad idea to talk with you,” Youngjae tells him. He tries to make Jaebeom look up at him by shoving his face on Jaebeom’s field of vision. He does his best to ignore him. 

“It is a bad idea though, why would you go after me? We are not even friends anymore, some things are better to keep in the past.” Jaebeom frees his arm from Youngjae’s hold, he wants to say something like a good-bye and just go away, but what leaves his mouth is not what he wants. “I bet you haven’t even thought of me in the past years, why would you care now?” 

The words come out too bitterly as if Jaebeom still cares about what happened between them. Of course, he does but he sounds like he never moved on. Like he’s been brooding over what happened non-stop and that wasn’t the case. He did his best to not think about Youngjae in the past years. 

When Youngjae doesn’t say anything Jaebeom thinks the best way to end this is to just leave, he is already out of the athletic pool room when he hears steps behind him. Youngjae ran after him so he could catch up, Jaebeom doesn’t stop walking even when the younger reaches him. “Can’t we talk? Please, I can explain--” 

“Explain what exactly? People grow up, they change, you’ve moved on and you changed. You don’t have to explain this to me.” Jaebeom is sure there’s nothing to explain anyways, all the sleepless nights gave him enough time to figure out that things just happened. No one planned for everything to go wrong between them. They just happened, so he isn’t mad at Youngjae, he just doesn’t want to give the other a chance to hurt him again as much as seeing him shifts something inside Jaebeom. 

Before Jaebeom can even think of jumping over the gate again, Youngjae uses a small clip to open it, that’s the Youngjae he remembers. The boy that would mess around but always make it clean. Jaebeom doesn’t thank him, he keeps walking and again Youngjae has to run to him since he wasted time locking the gate again. 

“I'll follow you to your apartment if necessary,” Youngjae is just a little out of breath when he speaks again. Jaebeom finally looks at him in disbelief, he doesn’t even doubt Youngjae would follow him but it just comes unexpectedly. And for some reason, Jaebeom doesn’t care if he does, in fact, he wants to see if Youngjae will really do that. If he is so desperate to talk to Jaebeom that he will follow him like a lost puppy. 

And Youngjae does, he follows Jaebeom to his building in silence. It’s terribly uncomfortable to be with him again like this, they even go in the elevator together without looking at each other. Jaebeom thinks it can only be a prank from the heavens, this is not what he thought he would get from his night jog. Before he can open the door to his apartment and have Youngjae definitely back into his life, he turns to the other man. “Are you still with him?” 

Youngjae’s expression is of confusion, he never told Jaebeom about his boyfriend. It was three years ago when his mother commented with him that he was living with another man, it was one of the worst things to happen to Jaebeom. At the time he had convinced himself that he wasn’t in love with Youngjae anymore, but his act came to an end instantly. Jealousy eating him alive every night even in his dreams. 

It takes Youngjae just a few seconds to get what he is talking about, for Jaebeom it feels like ages. “I’m not with anyone. There is no one.” 

Jaebeom nods, he feels like smirking but he doesn’t. How dumb would it look for Youngjae that he gets happy over him being single? He shouldn’t even be getting happy over it anyways. They enter the apartment, and usually, Nora walks to him to rub herself against his legs. Tonight she takes a look at Youngjae and runs away to Jaebeom’s room. She is afraid of strangers more than anything else.

The thought of Youngjae being a stranger to his cat doesn’t sit right with Jaebeom, she is such an important part of his life just like Youngjae is. And they didn’t even know of the existence of each other. 

“You finally got to have a cat,” Youngjae muses as he looks around more interested in the apartment than in the cat that ran away from him. As Jaebeom takes off his hoodie Youngjae’s eyes come back to him, the younger checks him out shamelessly. “Your apartment is cool, you’re cool. Never thought that would happen,” 

Jaebeom rolls his eyes, Youngjae would tease him about how plain and straight-laced he was. But it wasn’t something Jaebeom was used to it anymore, it wasn’t even something he would hear from anyone anymore. Still, it felt comfortable, it was such a Youngjae thing that it warmed Jaebeom up. “It’s just for show, inside up I’m very boring and strict,” Jaebeom gets two cans of beer from the fridge. When he looks at Youngjae again the younger has a small smirk on his face. 

“Makes sense,” the way he says it kinda disturbs Jaebeom. He seems to fit just right in Jaebeom’s space as if no time has passed. Before they got to the apartment they were like strangers but suddenly it's like they never stopped talking, like they are close still. It isn’t right for Jaebeom, he doesn’t want it to be easy for Youngjae. 

Not even just because he wants Youngjae to have a hard time, but because he also wants the other to fail. Jaebeom doesn’t want to give in at all, he doesn’t want to go back to act as if he doesn’t love Youngjae. For Youngjae they are just friends, Jaebeom is nothing else than the man that grew up with him. He doesn’t love Jaebeom, he doesn’t miss him or needs to be around Jaebeom desperately like he does. 

In the Summer they hooked up, Jaebeom was up to give Youngjae anything and everything he wanted without asking for nothing in return. Now he knows it can’t happen again, he will just end up more hurt and even more obsessed with Youngjae than he already is. So he hands the beer to Youngjae reluctantly, already regretting his friendly behavior. 

His thoughts are a mess, Jaebeom wants to have Youngjae at the same intensity he wants the other to leave and never show up again. They sit together on the couch, Jaebeom can’t bring himself to do or say anything. He finishes his beer quickly and Youngjae just takes slow sips at his, it’s uncomfortable again but not in the same way it was before. Jaebeom thought Youngjae was going to try to explain himself, maybe catch up but the younger is silent, probably overthinking things just like Jaebeom. 

When Youngjae is done with his beer, after a lifetime, he exhales loudly to get Jaebeom’s attention. “I think I should get going,” 

That’s what Jaebeom wanted, he didn’t even want Youngjae to have come all the way here. But suddenly the thought of seeing Youngjae leaving again feels like the worst thing that could happen to him. Youngjae might never come back. “Did you follow me here just to drink beer?” Jaebeom asks before Youngjae can get out of the couch and it’s the first time he looks at the other sitting beside him. 

Youngjae is rubbing his hands together, and it seems as if he is holding his breath as well. Jaebeom wants to tell him to breathe, he hasn’t seen Youngjae nervous in a long time. He would always look so at ease, even when he was nervous and anxious he would pretend well, Youngjae being so open about how he is feeling is probably just a result of how little control he has over himself right now. 

“I kinda lost my courage now,” Youngjae fakes a smile and tries to calm himself down. “I don’t know if I should have come here, or if I should have come back at all.” 

“Your entire family is here, why shouldn’t you come to visit them?” If he was worried because of Jaebeom he shouldn’t be, the city was big they would probably never cross paths if they knew what places to avoid. 

Youngjae won’t keep his body still, rocking his legs nonstop and it’s starting to make Jaebeom anxious as well. “I’m not visiting. My plan has always been to come back when I was done with college. And since I got a job here…”

“Okay,” it’s not like the city belongs to Jaebeom and he would need to allow Youngjae to come back. They would probably go the rest of their lives without seeing each other even living in the same city if their families weren’t so close. They stay quiet again and Jaebeom is afraid Youngjae will try to leave once more, so he tries to make small talk. “Congrats on getting a new job, where is it?” 

“At the art gallery downtown. Listen, I’m sorry. You said there’s nothing to explain and it’s so dumb anyway, I mean I’ve always been the reckless one that acted on impulse. So really, what could we expect from nineteen-year-old me?” Of course, having Youngjae to stay would lead them to this conversation. It was the last thing Jaebeom wanted to talk about but they could never have a normal conversation again if they didn’t get this over with first. “I was in love and scared. I fucked up--”

“You were in what? Sorry, I know you want to clear things up, but you were not the one in love, Youngjae.” Jaebeom pinches his nose. 

“When you turned eleven and you told your dad you wanted to be able to play outside with me unsupervised as your birthday gif.” Jaebeom has no idea why Youngjae is jumping from subject to subject. But he lets Youngjae keep going with whatever he thinks he is doing, “we escalated that big three, you tried to take a bug off of my shoulder and I fell. You remember that?”

“Youngjae, you broke your arm, and I was grounded for five months I’m pretty sure I remember it.” Jaebeom remembers so well how his mother said he would never be allowed to hang out with Youngjae again ‘till he turned eighteen, not even Youngjae’s parents were as mad at him as his mom. But what he really remembers is how scared he was that Youngjae would die when they took him to the hospital. Of course, he had just hurt his arm but Jaebeom didn’t know it at the time. 

“I was so excited even when my arm would hurt terribly and itch like crazy, I could only be excited about leaving the house by ourselves again. I’d think how cool you were for carrying me home,” Youngjae almost smiles but then he is back at being anxious. 

Jaebeom thinks he needs to stop him if he wants it to go anywhere, “why are you bringing this up? Just how it has anything to do with what happened between us?”

“You see that was the first time I thought I wanted to marry you,” at the mention of marriage Jaebeom’s eye widen. It’s not like he never thought about it when he was younger, but Youngjae was a kid when it all happened. He wasn’t in love with Jaebeom, why was he even thinking about getting married? “I just thought that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, like my mom and dad. Live on the same house and we would go on adventures together.”

“That was a child thing,” thinking about going on adventures is such an innocent thing, Jaebeom almost feels himself getting soft. 

“Yeah, it was. But I never stopped thinking that way. When I was older I even had a plan to make it happen, I had a plan to make you fall in love with you,” and it worked. Jaebeom thinks to himself bitterly. The only thing he doesn’t understand is why Youngjae thought making Jaebeom love him was a good idea when he himself wasn’t in love with the older. “When you left for college I thought I should just get over it. We would always be friends and that was good enough.”

“That was good enough for me! Why did you have to mess things up then? Was it your plan too when you came home saying you wanted to try something new?” The thought makes Jaebeom angry if it was something natural he could deal with it. Youngjae was too carefree, if he wanted something he would go after it. Jaebeom would rather think that he came up to him because he wanted to mess around than the younger playing him to make him fall in love. Especially because he was already in love with Youngjae way before that. 

“No! I was just being brave, I think? It was just when I had to go back to school that I realized why I’ve been so obsessed with marrying you my whole life. Like it should have been obvious that you can’t have those thoughts about your best friend, right?” Youngjae sounds like he is talking to himself now and not to Jaebeom. It’s just adding to Jaebeom’s annoyance, he thinks this the worst excuse ever. It would be better if Youngjae just said he had been an asshole. “It also should have been obvious that having sex with someone I deeply loved would lead me to fall in love.”

‘Deeply loved’ the words echo on Jaebeom’s head. Of course, Youngjae loved him like friends, Jaebeom knows the difference between platonic and romantic love. And no, he doesn’t think having sex with a friend is enough to make you fall for them. It takes more than that. “This is so weird to hear, so wrong. If this is true you wouldn’t have shut me down.”

“I know… I wanted to be with you for so long. But when I realized I was in love it freaked the shit out of me. I thought I could save our friendship if I gave us a break, but I just--”

“Ruined it, that’s what you did, you ruined our friendship. How dumb did you have to be to decide to ignore me instead of talking to me? You could talk to me about everything, and you knew that don’t act like you were scared of how I’d react,” somehow Jaebeom was offended that Youngjae was freaked out by being with him. That he thought never talking to Jaebeom was his only option. “I don’t believe you were in love with me for a second.” 

“I was a teenager, I had never fallen in love before. You were my best friend and you were living on the other side of the country! Everything was new, I was helpless,” Jaebeom hates the way Youngjae’s voice shakes because his default for situations like that has always been to make whatever was bugging the other go away. To protect him, that’s just how he feels right now. And he doesn’t want to feel that. 

“That’s bullshit,” all of Jaebeom’s theories were better than what Youngjae was telling him. Because Youngjae being in love with him and just too scared to do something about it never crossed his mind. Jaebeom didn’t want Youngjae to love him just to leave him. It was less painful if Youngjae just saw him as a friend and didn’t know how to break it down for him than he was feeling like Jaebeom and not wanting it. Refusing to love Jaebeom. “Maybe now you should go now,”

“That’s alright, I didn’t expect you to forgive me anyway. I just wanted to talk things through with you,” Jaebeom watches as Youngjae walks to the door getting his shoes and jacket. This was such an anti-climatic end he thinks. After everything, their final conversation is Youngjae telling him he was too scared to be with him and just leaving.

He says he didn’t expect forgiveness but he didn’t exactly apologize. Not that it would change anything, but a part of Jaebeom’s mind notices that. And another part of him wants to ask Youngjae to stay so they can talk a little more, maybe have things going back to normal. But things can’t go back to normal after five years, they can’t pretend nothing happened. 

Just like that Jaebeom doesn’t see Youngjae anymore, he even starts leaving the house more. Going to the supermarket near his apartment almost every night, visiting his parents even on weekdays. Jaebeom tries to convince himself that he isn’t doing it because he wants to see Youngjae but it’s too obvious. Even his mom wonders why he’s showing up so often lately. 

Jaebeom should leave it like that, if they already talked if they already cleared things up what is he even looking for? It’s just that ignoring how he felt about Youngjae was easier when he wouldn’t hear about him when he didn’t know they were living in the same city. Now it's like his brain was back at just thinking about the other man nonstop. Jaebeom couldn’t believe this kind of love was real. 

He knew people would break up and start new relationships all the time, so why was he so hung up on the same person for over a decade? He couldn’t be this unfortunate. 

Jaebeom gives up on it getting any better two months later when he had heard nothing about Youngjae and still couldn’t stop thinking about him. Jaebeom is so disappointed with himself as he drives to the art gallery that he thinks Youngjae is working at, he doesn’t have anything in mind. As in what to say to the other or how to act, he just needs to see Youngjae again. He’s desperate to maybe touch Youngjae even for a second. 

The gallery is beautiful, Jaebeom has come here with some friends once. Even one of his coworkers tagged along, it was an anime exposition, and even though Jaebeom pretended to not be into it he was amazed by it. It was a long time ago though, he never came again, but at least he knew where he could get information. 

He went right to the receptionist after going through security, there was a photo exposition going on at the moment that the girl tried to tell him about but Jaebeom wasn’t here for that. “I’m here to see Youngjae, he works here, right?”

“Hum, do you have an appointment? I don’t remember him telling me anything,” she looks at Jaebeom, narrowing her eyes, he is used to people looking at him like this. The girl is young, probably younger than Jaebeom so he doesn’t think she judges him by his looks. But she probably already got the idea that he isn’t here to talk about business with Youngjae. “I’ll have to see if he can talk to you right now,”

“I’m his… I’m his best friend, I’m sure he can talk to me,” still she says she has to check with Youngjae. Jaebeom doesn’t get a chance to tell her his name, the girl picks the phone and presses a number. Then she tells Youngjae his best friend is there to see him, Jaebeom cringes at it regretting ever saying that. He just wanted her to let him talk to Youngjae, he didn’t want the other to know that’s how he introduced himself. 

“Youngjae will be here soon,” she smiles at Jaebeom and goes back to her laptop screen. Jaebeom sort of freaks out, he didn’t think Youngjae would actually come here, for some reason he thought the girl would tell Jaebeom to go into his office. He doesn’t know why this is any worse but he is starting to sweat in anticipation. 

“Jaebeom?” At the sound of Youngjae’s voice, Jaebeom turns around to see his surprised expression looking back at him. He doesn’t know who Youngjae thought it would be but definitely, it wasn’t him. “Alice, I’ll leave earlier today,”

Youngjae tells the girl, who apparently is called Alice. She nods at him, it doesn’t seem to be a problem for Youngjae to leave whenever he wanted. Jaebeom thought he wouldn’t be leaving earlier so soon into his work but it’s none of his business. He can’t even think about it too much because Youngjae is pulling Jaebeom by his hand and walking him out of the gallery. 

Ever since Youngjae came back he is the only one initiating any kind of physical contact between them. Jaebeom wants to touch him back but can’t bring himself to, “you drove here?” 

Jaebeom nods and Youngjae asks him to take him to his car since the younger one doesn’t have a car. Youngjae still can’t drive after all these years, at least that’s what Jaebeom thinks, he doesn’t dare to ask. He also doesn’t ask why they are going to his car and why Youngjae felt the need to leave work to talk to him. They could have talked at the gallery. 

They have nowhere to go, Jaebeom can only look at Youngjae sitting by his side. He never imagined the younger sitting there. It was a usual thing for him to drive Youngjae to school when he got his license, but in this new car, he never thought the other would ever be in with him. “Do you wanna go somewhere?”

“You were the one looking for me,” Youngjae reminds him not as if he needs to. Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do with himself so he just lowers his head and Youngjae takes pity on him, “take me home. Wouldn’t you like to see what my place looks like?”

So Jaebeom does, Youngjae gives him the directions. Youngjae doesn’t live far from the gallery, there’s a lot of restaurants and bars near his building. It’s just the type of place Jaebeom could imagine him living, the apartment even more so. It’s not too spacious, and it has art supplies all over the place. It’s not what Jaebeom would consider cool like his own place, but it’s artsier in a way, it’s clean and messy at the same time. 

“So,” Youngjae prompts expectantly. Jaebeom knows he can’t just let Youngjae do all the work, he was the one that went to his workplace after all. And he didn’t even regret it, Jaebeom was glad even from just sharing the same space as Youngjae. 

He goes with the first thing that comes to his mind, “can you show me what you’ve been working on?” 

Youngjae looks surprised but he nods, telling Jaebeom to follow him. The apartment has two bedrooms, one is obvious for Youngjae to sleep in and the other one was turned into a studio. That’s the room Youngjae takes Jaebeom to. Just like he thought it would be the place is a mess, there are paintings all over the floor and paint as well. Jaebeom would never be able to do anything in a place like this. 

Still, Jaebeom is just impressed by the colorful oil painting he sees on a bunch of different canvas. He walks up to it, this is something new for him. He has never seen Youngjae doing this kind of art, probably because Youngjae would never show him much of what he did before. “It’s beautiful, I didn’t know you could paint like that. Are they for the gallery?”

“No. Actually, I am responsible for organizing expositions there, it has nothing to do with my paintings.” Youngjae explains to him what he does, and it’s not boring. Not at all, Jaebeom thinks going after artists and getting to know new pieces of art might be interesting. But it’s not Youngjae’s passion. 

Youngjae loves painting and he keeps it all in a small room just for himself, it’s kinda sad. “Don’t you want to show these off?”

“Not really,” they stay in silence as Jaebeom goes through Youngjae’s pieces. It’s peaceful, and the smell of paint isn’t that good but here it feels just right. 

It’s weird that he can stay like this, just looking at Youngjae’s arts in silence and it is comfortable even though they aren’t even in speaking terms. A pile of sketchbooks gets Jaebeom’s attention, he counts seven, they all have black covers but Youngjae has painted over them. “What are those? Can I see it?” 

Youngjae looks at what he points at and he blushes, Jaebeom thinks he will finally hide something from him but to his surprise, Youngjae walks over to the pile and takes the sketchbooks with him. “You sure you wanna see it? It might be a bit shocking,”

“Is it porn?” Youngjae laughs, shaking his head, Jaebeom was being serious. 

“That wouldn’t be shocking to you. No, it might not be exactly shocking but maybe creepy?” Jaebeom doesn’t care, now he is more curious than anything. He takes the sketchbooks from Youngjae’s arms, as the younger man sits close to him on the floor again. This time he sits a little closer. “They are in chronological order,”

Youngjae shows him the year craved at the covers, the first one is from 2010-2013. So Youngjae was fourteen when he first started these. Jaebeom expects to find weird game characters drawings there, but on the first page, there are just two big dots. “Huh?” He looks at Youngjae who just licks his lips telling him to keep going. 

Jaebeom gasps lightly as he turns the page, it’s him. Sure, the drawing is not as good as the one he saw on the canvas all over the studio, but Jaebeom can recognize his face. In the drawings he’s even wearing a t-shirt he used to wear all the time but had forgotten existed. Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do with himself, doesn’t know what to say. 

It’s not creepy but sure is unexpected. Jaebeom drew Youngjae a few times, more times than he is proud of, but not enough to fill a sketchbook, definitely not enough to fill more than one. He is a little cautious picking the next one. The drawings look a lot better, it’s clear how Youngjae improved his skill over the years. Jaebeom can’t believe they were friends when Youngjae made all of this and he never got to see his progress because Youngjae was too insecure about it. And now he just shows them to Jaebeom without a second thought. 

The third sketchbook surprises Jaebeom even more than the first one. Just like in the previous ones the first page has just two dots that Jaebeom realized by now are his moles. But they fill most of the pages, sometimes there are a bunch of drawings of his eyes just so the twin moles can make an appearance. In other pages is just his nose from a bunch of different angles or his hands, but soon his eyes and moles come back. 

“I think you went overboard with this one,” is the first thing Jaebeom says after looking through the drawings for a long time. Youngjae giggles, Jaebeom hasn’t heard it in so long he has to take his eyes away from the drawings to look at Youngjae. 

His smile is so beautiful, Jaebeom hasn’t noticed until now that he hasn't been relaxed around him since they met at the pool. He wishes he could capture the moment and keep it with him, Youngjae blushes again this time probably because of Jaebeom’s stare since he averts his eyes. “I was kinda obsessed with the moles.”

“And my eyes, and nose, and even my hands?” Jaebeom teases and it works, it never worked before. 

“They are cute, I like them.” Youngjae likes them, he doesn’t say he used to like them but still does. Jaebeom keeps teasing Youngjae as he looks at the other sketchbooks, he just stops when he sees drawings of himself naked. Youngjae drew these on the year they hooked up, the drawings aren’t part of his imagination, it was what he saw that Summer. They stop talking. 

Jaebeom is a little bugged that Youngjae kept drawing him all these years, even when he was dating someone else, even when he cut contact with Jaebeom he kept drawing the older one. As much as Jaebeom wants to comment on it he doesn’t. The last sketchbook he checks is from this year, it’s not complete, but it’s halfway through. 

The change on it it’s perceptible when Youngjae came back two months ago and saw Jaebeom for the first time even without looking at the dates. The drawings become darker and so do Jaebeom’s features. He hasn’t realized his face changed this much, this is probably the way he looked at Youngjae that night. 

There’s also the addition of his piercings, there are some drawings of just his anti eyebrow piercing and his moles on the opposite side. Youngjae probably likes how it looks, Jaebeom doesn’t know why that makes him shy. But he closes the thing in his hands and pushes all of the sketchbooks to Youngjae. 

“Too much?” Now Youngjae sounds embarrassed, he lets Jaebeom look at every drawing intensely but now he gets embarrassed. “Sorry. Is it weird me drawing you without permission for so long?”

“It’s not that. It’s just… you didn’t fall in love with me that Summer.” Youngjae tries to stop him but Jaebeom just shakes his head, “it’s been going on for a long time. You really need me to point it out? Why were you even drawing these?” 

“You don’t need to point anything out, I know. But I didn’t know at the time, that’s the point, it’s just… you were the only thing in my mind. My first thought in the morning and the last one at night. I couldn’t think of anything else, still can’t.” Youngjae crinkles his nose, he looks distressed by the conversation. “God, I was so dumb,”

Jaebeom agrees, but he was also dumb. He didn’t notice how Youngjae felt and he never tried anything himself. Maybe it was for the best since when they did something about their feelings it all went to shit. But right now it feels different, he shouldn’t hold grudges. Jaebeom is the only one in his way of getting what he has desired his whole life. “What do you want right now? What do you plan on doing with yourself?”

“How do you mean? I want to have a good life I think, to find happiness in the small things. To travel to the beach once a year, that would be good, to adopt a dog,” Youngjae thinks for a while then he looks right at Jaebeom’s eyes. “You.” 

“In which way?” Jaebeom leans forward, putting one of his hands over Youngjae’s one. Youngjae opens his mouth slightly at the touch, his hand is so cold in contrast to Jaebeom’s warm one. “I can be yours. I can give myself to you forever. Is that how you want it?”

Youngjae bites his lower lip just to lick it afterward, he nods quickly pulling Jaebeom even closer by his shirt collar. “My whole body burns when I think of you, when I look at you. I want you to feel the same, want you to be helplessly in love with me, to be mine only.”

It’s not like Jaebeom doesn’t feel his body on fire all the time already. It’s not like he has ever belonged to someone else but Youngjae but he still agrees. He wants to kiss Youngjae but he has no idea how to do it, how to start this kind of contact. Thankfully Youngjae kisses him first, just a peck of their lips. 

Jaebeom’s eyes are burning even though they are closed, it has been just so hurtful to love Youngjae all these years. But now it feels sweet, for the first time, it’s not like Youngjae will take it away from him without an explanation. He holds Youngjae’s face as he deepens the kiss, Jaebeom lays Youngjae to the floor with the weight of his own body as the kisses start to get heated up. 

It’s not comfortable for Youngjae to lie on the hard floor, but he doesn’t complain, he keeps kissing Jaebeom, pulling at his hair, telling him sweets words that Jaebeom wants to hear for the rest of his life. He doesn’t care if they are true or not. They only get off of the floor when their erections start to brush against each other painfully. 

If it was up to Jaebeom he would just get it over with right here, but Youngjae has other plans. Jaebeom is thankful for that when he gets to lie on Youngjae’s large bed all naked, Youngjae is a sight to be seen. His body has always been beautiful, but now it has grown completely. The first time they had sex Youngjae was completely inexperient, it’s not like that anymore. 

Jaebeom feels just a pang of jealousy, but he puts it away. It doesn’t matter what happened to either of them in the past years, they are together now. And it helps that Youngjae knows just the right effective way to open him up. Jaebeom needs to hold it to not cum just by looking at Youngjae’s focused expression. He is so determined to make Jaebeom feel good, to make it all about Jaebeom. 

When Youngjae finally starts fucking him Jaebeom really needs to hold himself together, this is nothing like their Summer thing. Before it was all too heated, too desperate and just two boys trying to get off. Now it’s still heated and desperate but is so passionate as well. Youngjae never stops kissing Jaebeom as he fucks him, his hands are never still in just one place. He explores Jaebeom’s body, praising him, telling Jaebeom how beautiful he is. How he loves everything about the older man, each one of his moles and tattoos, Jaebeom has never felt so appreciated before. 

He wants to live in this moment forever, to never have to do anything else but give his body to Youngjae, to hear his husky voice right at his ear. They can’t do it forever though when they cum Jaebeom is scared things will lose their magic. They kind of do once his mind isn’t fogged by neediness, but it feels even better now. It feels more real, Youngjae’s hands on his waist has a weight to it that it didn’t have before. The kisses at his nape feel wetter and with just the right amount of pressure. 

“You have me, you never stopped having me,” Youngjae tells him just before Jaebeom has to leave. He would spend the night but he needs to go home and feed Nora. It’s alright though, it feels right this way. Youngjae kisses him at the door, Jaebeom’s heart beats furiously in his chest when Youngjae drops another light kiss to his mouth and tells him he loves him. 

Jaebeom doesn’t ask for any type of assurance that Youngjae will stay this time, that they will love each other. The way Youngjae acts around him, the way he brings Jaebeom flowers at work, the way Nora starts to like him and the younger even starts getting her gifts are proof enough for him. Jaebeom knows Youngjae will stay. Jaebeom knows they are right for each other. 

This time Jaebeom gets to call Youngjae his. 

**Author's Note:**

> writing not really smut like this is so much easier lol i was gladly surprised  
> i'll leave my [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonlovrrs) account it's not my main one it's just bc i want to talk about my interests more freely... hence why im sharing this here  
> (if u live in Philippines i hope you n your loved ones stay safe)


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